Butterball's Archives - The Waitress from Boston

Getting back into the swing of things after an extended period away proved harder than I thought it would be. I imagined being refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the year, but I found myself even more weary and jaded and frustrated, choosing to, on most days, withdraw into my own shell.

In the midst of the internal war raging on in my head, this conversation I overheard in Boston while on an uber would randomly pop up -

Our driver that day was a friendly guy, particularly chatty compared to all our previous drivers. Even before she boarded, he asked about us and about Singapore and whether I would be Mrs Dxxxx soon.

We picked her up near one of those fancy hotels and our driver started a conversation with her. When they were done with the weather and her job as a waitress, we found out that she has been working full time since she was 13.

Full-time? 13? I thought I heard wrongly.

She went on to explain that growing up, her dad left her mom in a sucky situation and she didn't want to be a burden to her mom so she started working full-time at an ice-cream shop 3 miles from her house.

She would do 60 hour/week shifts, getting to work on her bicycle at 10.30am each day, and working till 1am every night with only a half an hour break at 4pm.

Because her parents were separated, she never took a single cent from her mom as she didn't want to be a burden. She got by on her her pay at the ice crean shop, and even managed to contribute to paying for her grandma's nursing home (it seemed like this was the sticky situation).

Now she's 20/21, living in Boston, waitressing full time while studying for her degree part time.

And while she is on her way to a better life, it was evident that she still has to work incredibly hard. One of the things she said that was particularly memorable was this:

'We've been taught that education comes first but it has never been this way for me. During one semester, all my friends were worried about passing this chemistry paper. I was worried about being able to pay my fees on time so that I could even take the chemistry paper.'

At that moment I think I felt an unspeakable guilt?? Actually, to be honest, I couldn't (and still can't) pinpoint exactly what that feeling was. Maybe it was a realisation of the privilege I had but never really thought about - being able to grow up with BOTH my parents, being driven to school and to/from the MRT station for most of my life, even just having my entire education being paid for me.

And maybe it was just being in the same car as someone who was speaking of all these things instead of reading about it on humansofny that made it so, so real that there are people who are truly born into such different circumstances.

I think why I remember this conversation so vividly is not because of her difficult childhood, but because of who she is now despite the hand life dealt her.

I never thought I would ever be so amazed by an ordinary stranger but I think I left the car slightly in awe of her energy and candour.

She spoke of waitressing like it was her pride and joy and I don't think I have ever seen anyone else so fiercely passionate about her job or having so much respect and admiration for her bosses.

It made me wonder if life is perhaps really what you make of it? If maybe it's possible to also feel the same back in Singapore if I were to commit to focusing on the good things about work?

But every day I come in here and realise that it is truly a challenge to not feel defeated and stifled. I try to look beyond but sometimes I can only see what's right in front of me.

And I think about what that girl in Boston said and how she radiated joy talking about work and how in some ways her life is that much richer and fuller than so many of ours.

It made me sad at the beginning to think that could never be me... but this is my third week back and I think I will keep trying and working at it. At least for as long as I can.

And maybe one day, I can at least smile when I talk about my work.